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Nursing/Biology Girls, and what I’ve Learned About Them:

November 26, 2012


Throughout the course of history there have been several derogatory terms for women… scarlet, harlet, slut, hobag, or Kristen Stewart in more recent days…. but I personally believe a new term should be derived that demotes women in all senses…. Nursing Major.

Going into my investigation I had no prior experience with an intelligent woman of any sort. I dated this one girl who literally did not know of the existence of thirty. That’s right, THIRTY. I started counting sheep tryina fall asleep next to her all cute like, then I hit twenty-nine and then BANG I’m fucking Christopher Columbus to her or something… but anyway I had never had luck with the smart girls; as expected they were turned off by my lack of intellect… let’s face it they’re supposed to be smart, and old-Mike wasn’t exactly a good long-term investment.

Surely enough thanks to a few semesters of physics and advanced mathematics behind me at this point, I was able to convince a few of these smart girls that I was one of them. In doing so I was able to walk among them, mingle in their sciencey drinking sessions, and proceed with the act of mating. I soon discovered that what I once was sooo curious about… the coveted cooch of a smartypants…. was not at all what I wanted.

The first girl should have been a downright genius. Accepted to Brown (went to my dumpy-ass school for money), 4.0 grade point-average, and an ass that was most certainly set to stun. I knew her from my old days, but she had been witness to my transformation and I could tell that there was chemistry brewing between us (see what I did there..?). I had my gameplan set out… I was going to take her out to dinner, a nice formal night for a classy intelligent lady such as herself, and invite her back to her dorm where we’d Charles Darwin it up with our super-genes.

But then alcohol got involved and I stumbled my way across campus barrelling through people who I can no longer speak to ever again. I could barely see, let alone think, and my brain had checked out entirely. Fortunately for my brain, my dick was more than willing to take charge for the night, and led my body about a mile to the dorm of this beautiful damsel… then there was blackness… and then I woke up, naked, next to the smartest girl I had ever met in my life with brief memories of pleasure coursing through my brain and the repeating sounds of “oh Michael” ringing through my ears. It was perfect I had skipped the expensive steps and thanks to a small handle of Popov I had shared a night with the most intelligent, hot-assed girl I had ever-…

“You’re going to be the best boyfriend ever!”
-Naive Bio-Major

All of a sudden I knew that shit was about to get serious. After playing it cool, I told her “arghld adfkln;e ad;lfjasdf” and fainted for thirteen minutes of which she carefully massaged my unconscious body. Although I was grateful, I knew I had to get out of there. So I did and she freaked the fuck out. In no more than thirty minutes I hadΒ  text message from EVERY PERSON I HAD EVER MET about what an asshole I was for ending such a long relationship with the nurse-to-be. I was used to this; as more scientific research goes on to prove, bitches do in fact be trippin’ and all guys should be familiar with that by now. But this was different. This bitch was just as trippin’ as the other bitches. But she was smart.

Even though I’m undercover as a genius I still had a roommate stocked up with plenty of weed waiting for me every night. Somehow she figured that out, and threatened to call the cops and have me arrested if I didn’t come cuddle with her every night. All of a sudden I knew why women were never allowed to become smart in the olden days. It was because they could use their newfound intellect to destroy men’s lives.

It was a long time and a lot of cuddling before we had finally cleared the room of weed…….. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚Β  ……. and I could finally stop seeing this girl forever. But gentlemen… I learned something very important about smart people and women through this experience and others like it….

Women who are smart can contribute great things to society. Like that girl who basically discovered radioactivity and kinda shaked the foundation of the last century… yeah that’s a big one… however, they are still women and as such men must understand that they will ALWAYS win… and I’m okay with that as long as I know she’s a stupid crazy bitch, but if she’s smart, and there’s some sense to what she’s saying, it kinda hurts a bit. Just something to think about.

Mike out.


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