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PRECALCULUS in a Nutshell

November 24, 2012

So I’ve got a lot of catching up to do for this blog. I’m starting this just now because… well… I didn’t think the experiment would take off so well. I’m a full year into my program and through intensives, stealing textbooks, and lots of drugs I’m finally caught up with the real science students. 


Anyway, so the first course I had to pass to get into these programs was PreCalculus. After some research, I discovered that THERE IS NO SUCH THING 

Yepp. If I had a dime for every nursing major who needed to pass that class, failed, and sucked my dick cause she felt bad…. well I’d still be broke and flaccid but you catch my drift.AS PRECALCULUS. That’s right, it’s not even a thing. Never was never will be never should be. Sir Isaac Newton (father of calculus) never said “so there’s this awesome thing called calculus but before I reached that I stumbled upon this PRECALCULUS” no. 

But in all seriousness PreCalc is just a way of weeding out the robots. Anyone can pass algebra and geometry by memorizing all the formulas creating a simulated smartass. This is a person who exhibits the qualities of a smart person but is actually just as dumb as the rest of us.

No, strike that. PreCalc is filled with dumb people who actually think they’re smart, i.e. the dumbest people of them all: 

  • Slutty Nursing Majors? Check.
  • I like video games, I’ll try comp-sci! Check.
  • Math was my best SAT score, better make it my whole life. Check.
  • More Slutty Nursing Majors? Check.
  • Everyone who was too fucking moronic to not pass out of PreCalculus. Triple Check.

So my class starts with 35 students. Myself being one of them, naturally assumes I’m the dumbest one in the room. Keep in mind I DON’T FUCKING KNOW ALGEBRA you tell me to  “Find ‘X'” and I’m out (or I’ll just circle the actual letter). 

I soon find out that you can’t memorize PreCalc, and all these valedictorians and Einsteins start dropping the class. Turns out, you can’t just buy a hammer with your Daddy’s paycheck and expect to build a house, YOU HAVE TO LEARN WHERE TO HIT THE FUCKING NAIL. And that’s exactly what being an idiot taught me.

Turns out I kicked ass in that class…. even had the highest grade. Why? Cause I never memorized a formula. Formulas, numbers, memorization, that’s what we have Flash Drives and Floppy Disks (R.I.P.) for. People don’t fucking do that. If you had all the materials for a house and you KNEW what to do with them, you don’t have a house unless you can actually USE what you know.

Anyway, this was pretty much day 1. I was clobbering these “geniuses” that had made me and so many of my burnout friends feel so insignificant to the world. FUCK YOU smart people, I’m exposing you for who you really are.


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